Tuesday, September 29, 2015

How Could You Pull The Plug & Let Me Flatline?



I wanna be real and transparent on this blog...and although..in my real life...I don't open up that easily...even with my best of friends.

Although I don't condone all his music and his lifestyle..(fam need to come back to Christ)..but this song of his is speaking real to how I felt..

"Flatline" by Justin Bieber


But I was on facebook and I saw that the trending topic was a JB interview about his relationship with SG. I used to ship them so hard (idolize thier relatinship) but please yall don't idolize nobody but GOD. we are all fallen humans in need of Christ daily...YOUR FAVORITE CELEBS ARE HUMAN LIKE YOU...CAN BE CAST INTO HEAVEN OR HELL JUST LIKE YOU IF THEY DON'T SUBMIT TO CHRIST..

But reading his interview got me in thinking..wanting to vibe and listen to 90s R&b love songs..but I think it's important that I let you into some of my feelings related to this..

*********************************************************************************
I love you ...

But what?

 But I can't

But Why..

I'm just  broken..

You're my everything...

I know..

You're just going to leave? After all we've been through?

I know..It's not what you think..I'm so broken..

It hurts..

It hurts me too...

Can't we just going on an island where it's just me and you..

And we tried that...the island keeps burning

But it hurts...I just want you...

I want you but not now..

You don't think I want you? I'll do anything for you..

But we need Christ..I'm broken..

We can be there for each other...we can heal each other..

But we've tried..

So what do you we do?

Just leave...

I don't want too..

I don't either but I love you..so I have too..

You changed..I don't know you anymore..

I'll ride for you...I'll die for you...why don't you believe me?

I was always there...I'm still broken..I'm killing you..I have this void in my heart that's going to destroy me than destroy you. It's killing my soul

I don't understand...why are you leaving me...abandoning me..

I need you. I still love you.. It's not what you think I promise. 

I'm crying out for you..I've been crying out for you...please save me..I know you can't but ...I don't know change is hard..it hurts..I'm still empty but I never want to let you go..

Come in and save me... I know I'm quoting Mario...but that's how I feel..

What do we do..I hurt you..

You hurt me..

I don't want nothing if I can't have all..

I just want it all..

All of me..Legend..

But It's..

Me without you..I aint trying to see it..

I know its like we Chase N. Cashe...

I kill you with my words...

you kill me..

Continuous cycle..

How do we get out..

How do I do it?

What?

Life without you?

You were the only guy I trusted..Know it's so cold..everything's black..

I don't wanna get out... 

I just want you?

You're all I had..

Same here..

We need God...

He created us for each other...

But we need him NOW.

We don't have him.
'
We do..

Come in and save me..

I'm trying it's hard..

I'm empty..

What do we do...

Don't leave..

I don't want to..

Be there..

I hate you..

I wish you'd die...

I hate you so much..

Your'e hurting me..

I'm just going to end it..

It's not all me..

I know it's me too..

But you blamostly me..

I'm broken ..

What's the point of living without you..

You don't want me..

Baby you promised that you'd never leave..

and everything would be alright..

Nobody wants me...

You promised..

You said you'd never leave...

Nobody understands me..

I feel like I've flat lined..

We always fight...it's what we do..

But No..

You're words are killing me..

I just want you happy..I put your happiness before mind...

Same here..

But why are we both so empty..

I hate you..

Just leave..

You always blaiming me for everything..

Now you just want to end it all .

It's not like that..

I've been calling on you..

You don't need me?

You're different..

You are..

Why do you want to pull the plug..

I told you..

I don't believe you..

But I promise..I promise promise promise promise

I know you pushing me to the edge..jagged

But save me..please

What about our plans..

What about our life..

What about us?

I don't know..

Why would you let this thing goo...

I hate you..

You stupid ****

Why don't you die..

Please love me..

It's a cycle..

I really just want you forever only you..nobody else..You're my dream..

You're my dream..

Why is this a nightmare..

Let's make love until the sunrise..

Our love is on the demise..

We got this..

No we don't we're human..

You're failing me..

Stop failing me..

Save me...heal me..complete me..

Can we take our time and do this for a while?

I know I'm quoting SWV

When I'm with you I just wanna vibe to 90's R&B and forget the rest of the world.

Us against the World

us against each other

Us against ourselves

our voids growing deeper.

Us falling in each other's God's sides voids

Save me..

from me

Save me..

from me..

I can't leave..you're all I know

You're all I know..

It's just us..

against

the world..

Not ready for the world

I know I need God.

I need Christ..

Getting you to save me from my lust, hate against my self and my lifelong bondage is like you giving me breath to breath when I wake up in the morning..

It's like you holding the galaxy in place..

It's like you holding the oceans in place..

It's like you creating life..

and controlling time..

And speaking creation into existence. 

And placing billions upon billions upon billions of light years worth of galaxies into place..

It would be like you being God and coming down to die for my sins and all humanity..

It's impossible..

breath..

can't breath..

breath..

can't breath..

I can't see..

fade to black..

Reach out for me ..

I love you..

don't leave..

I need. you.

I love you..
you're everything to me ..

I'll keep you first...

But...Where's God..

We're still broken..

I worship you..

you worship me..

Why do you fail me..?

Why do you hurt me?

I can't function when you hurt me?

Why aren't you perfect?

Why can't you save me?

Fix me..

Make me whole..

You my future..present..past..

please..

why can't you..
make me over..

make me complete..

give me joy...

give me hope...

fill my void..


But first..
have you  taken a seat at  the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens?

And you. let me ask you if you  if this is yours:, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth;  Is Yours the dominion, O LORD, and do You exalt Yourself as head over all?


No.

Same here..


so...Where do we go from here? 


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Psalm 31
1-2 I run to you, God; I run for dear life.
    Don’t let me down!
    Take me seriously this time!
Get down on my level and listen,
    and please—no procrastination!
Your granite cave a hiding place,
    your high cliff aerie a place of safety.
3-5 You’re my cave to hide in,
    my cliff to climb.
Be my safe leader,
    be my true mountain guide.
Free me from hidden traps;
    I want to hide in you.
I’ve put my life in your hands.
    You won’t drop me,
    you’ll never let me down.

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