Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Jesus Rained On Me



Wow, so last night..i was feeling just real down...so sad...so burdened because I felt as if I had failed God.
I planned to fast for 24 hours to seek direction and answers to a question. I needed to crucify my flesh some because satan has been putting 'gateway' sins in front of me that seems innocent but that would lead me right back into the same bondage of sin that Christ brought me out of.




I made it to 12 hours, and I did pour my heart out to Christ..and I got one of the answers I needed...but I felt like I let God down.

I was overcome with a powerful sense of grief and despair. Was I that weak not to crucify my flesh? I bet if I was fasting for 1 million dollars I would have made it? I just feel so weak? I feel like I disappointed God!

"have you noticed everything was 'I' 'I' 'I' and not about Christ Christ Christ?"

So I got so down on myself that I when it was time for me to wake up for my daily time with God of intimacy and prayer in the 4th watch of the night (which I'm still learning to crucify my flesh to do..the waking up part is the hardest..but I promise you, whenever I get into I feel so energized!)

 But this day..I decided... I'm not going to wake up today! I don't deserve  to spend time with God. I couldn't handle my fast..I gave up on God..I hurt  him, because apparently I didn't operate in the power of God today.

What a demonic lie from the pits of hell.. Satan sent his fiery darts...and I was forgetting my shield of faith to block them..  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."- Ephesians 6:16

And who does deserve to spend time with God? Can his love for us be bought? Was my fast based on my merits? Or the power of the Holy Spirit working within me?We can't earn time with God based on our merits..there's absolutely nothing we can do...that's the beautiful part..so when we fail..he's right there with open arms..saying..run to me my child. When we have fallen, when we are in sin....the quickest thing we need to do is to RUN TO CHRIST...but I often find myself RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM..Instead of right into his loving arms...exactly where I need to be.

Is as if I'm so burdened with guilt and sin that I desire to hide my face from God.. satan loves to trap us in our sin and guilt. But he is a liar in Jesus name..he's going to sin  send the darts..that's his job..he's going to attack us when we are the weakest.. 
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.- 1 Peter 5:8


In my weakness...Christ is strong...when I feel like running away from him because I hurt him...these are the times I need to repent and cry out to my heavenly Father..

So the next day...I did.The next morning... I went outside..the breeze was so fresh and crisp.. like his mercy... I just lifted my hands to God.. poured out my worries, my fears, repented for my carnality, told him to take control... and then it started raining... I just started singing in the rain... it was epic..it was as if all that water was just cleansing me from all my fears and sins. 

It was so refreshing. To know that I am healed..I am set free.. And I have a father who will love me unconditionally..I just need to run TO him and not AWAY from him.

 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you- James 4:8

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