Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Right Here...

He's right there in the tears..
He's right there in the pain.
Abba I need you more than ever.
Even when I feel all alone
Even when I see others get the promises that seem so far away
seems like I'm being taunted by it
the lies of the enemy
I know you are good
and I'm not forgotten
I could never be forgotten
Your love is so pure for me
so kind to me
Even in this storm you are teaching me to cling and hold on to you
You are so good
Even through the tears
"it looks like you are drained"...
"I'm just hot" I divert and say

and it feels like my heart is burning on the inside
I was already hesitant to believe the promises
that it was NOW
I know the promise will come true...but years of waiting has got me weary
Lord I know it's not true but I'm just laying out my heart before you...
Years of waiting, confirmation I thought was from you made me believe it was NOW
It felt like a dream
I stepped out on faith, timidly because I was half-way preparing my heart for dissapoinent
and It happened. It wasn't time
Lord but it feels like I was slapped in the face
That you are just teasing me.
That you really don't love me
That my suffering is all in vain, that you chose me just to torture me.
for your pleasure.
I know this isn't true..but Lord I just want to vent to you.

I will cling to you like never before.
I PRAYED FOR THIS! I PRAYED FOR THIS.
To love you little ones no matter the cost,
whatever it took.
no matter the heights or depths.
TO TAKE UP MY CROSS AND FOLLOW YOU
TO BEAR ALL THINGS, HOPE ALL THINGS, ENDURE ALL THINGS,
TO LIVE A LOVE THAT NEVER FAILS
BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVE
TO GIVE OF MYSELF FULLY WITHOUT EXPECTING MY EXPECTATIONS IN RETURN
Lord, I know I prayed for it, AND I WANT IT, But to be honest, this impartation of it HURTS!

But I still sing in my heart Lord:

What ever it takes Lord,
That I will do
Whatever it takes Lord, Just to be close to You, oh
Whatever it takes, Lord
That
I WILL do.
Whatever it takes Lord
Just to be close to you.

Give me clarity and understanding
Let my focus be on you on loving the ones you ordained me to love
HELP ME LORD NOT TO FLEE FROM THIS CALLING
That you handpicked me and ordained me for this
That you send your servants to tell me That God is for me and That You Love Me
Thank you so much Abba
I need that.

Get my eyes off myself and onto serving feeding, clothing, caring, bandaging, and carrying your little ones.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13

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