Saturday, June 24, 2017

When it rains, it pours... but Christ is our umbrella


today it rained.
literally.
i mean flash flood warnings interrupted my favorite song on NGEN radio,
Capital Kings 'love is on our side.'

I was already lowkey feeling betrayed by God.
I knew He was going to come through for me on his promises.
but walking by faith had me limping.

but that's the thing, it's okay to limp
as long as we are still walking.

but as i was driving, i was going into the dark clouds, straight into the incoming storm
of course it would be in my direction

like the movies
when i was feeling emotionally rejected and torn, a demonic storm of attacks
it started to storm outside.


in the bathroom I locked myself in,
delivered Roland his taco which he was grateful for
was going to numb the pain or at least get some happiness out the day by eating my taco
BUT THEY PUT BEEF ON IT!
i don't eat meat.
they never messed up my order.
why today?
why this day.
in that bathroom i broke down into his presence.
i was crying.
thank God for Pastor Cornelius Lindsey's podcast on 'depression'
here are some of the thoughts that ran through my head.

what's the point of living for Christ, and i'm so miserable
when is the season going to be over
when will my promise finally happen
why are my parents and I fighting so hard, WE ARE LIVING FULLY FOR YOU ABBA! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO SEE THE FRUIT. WHY ARE OTHERS IN THE WORLD GETTING REWARDED? we are on this ship in the storm
i don't feel like living, i should kill myself (demonic spirit of suicide)

And then The Lord let me know
YES YALL ARE ON THE SHIP AND THERE IS A STORM. BUT YOU CAN JUST REST, THOUGH THE WAVES RISE, THEY WILL NOT OVERTAKE YOU. THIS IS JUST TO STRENGTHEN YOUR FAITH IN ME.

WILL A TRAINER AT THE GYM NOT PUT HEAVY WEIGHTS ON YOU AND MAKE YOU RUN MILES, DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DYING?
GOOD
YOU ARE GETTING STRENGTHENED.
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

Roland knocked on the door, so kind, asked me what was wrong.

I opened my Crossfire Bible my Mom bought for me. I read the Word, still salty, but the Word was healing me even if it didn't 'feel' like it.

Tried to fill the emptiness with some youtube shows i didn't care about.

'till finally His peace met me. It never left, but He gripped me. And the storm was calmed.

The sun is out now. The ground is still wet.

But without the rain, there is no food, no water, no life.

He's cleansing me because He loves me.

I just have to BE STILL and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.

and THAT HE LOVES ME SO MUCH.

and He loves you too.

Cling to Him, He's got you.

Love, Stacie.

"And it was broken in that day: and so the poor of the flock who waited upon Me knew that it was the WORD of the Lord." Zechariah 11:11


No comments:

Post a Comment