she couldn't believe her ears
she had invested 4 years into this guy
gave her heart, mind and body to him
sacrificed so much for him
and here she was sitting at this fancy dinner table expecting a proposal--
when she got a "I think we should see other people, Babe." Babe? don't you EVER call me Babe she thought.
I know the sting of rejection can
be parlaying. Whether you didn’t get the job, whether you got cheated on, or
you just feel overlooked. Never forget that God knows you and SEES YOU and
thinks that you are so very beautiful. It’s okay to cry, to grieve—get it out.
But do it with God, do it with Him. He is holding your hand and you will get
through this. He loves you dearly and He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.
Sincerely, Stacie
Prayer
Lord we don’t ask you today to take our pain away, but we ask that we give it to you. We rest in the
fact that we can cast ALL of our cares on you because you care for us. May we
carry your yoke, may we carry your burden because it is light, because the one we
are holding on to is much too heavy for us. Catch our tears and be so near to us
during this heartbreaking time in our lives. We are grieving, at times we feel
hopeless and we are battling the decision not to end it all. So Lord, we need
you, be our battle cry and our banner during the darkest of nights. May we feel
your loving arms over our shoulder. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18
she was tired of running from God,
working at this club was not what she had in mind for her life.
The skimpy outfits, the dirty dancing, and the creepy older men she had to perform for.
She couldn't tell you how she ended up here,
it seemed to happen so fast.
She moved from home to the big city, she was caught up in the fast life, the glamorous life.
Her new friends had all the newest clothes, newest cars, they seemed to have it all.
and she wanted a taste of it.
But now she was realizing that she bought a lie. A hard cold stupid lie.
This world wasn't glamorous,
sure she could bring home an easy $2,000 a week,
Even though she felt her body growing stone cold
she saw her life flash before her eyes,
the last hit was too strong,
too much, too overwhelming,
all alone in her hotel room, she didn't want to go out like this.
She had reached the pinnacle of her success,
everybody loved her, but yet she felt so broken and alone,
finding her solace in drugs.
she was quickly fading away, her body shivering and convulsing.
her eyes started to close when she saw an angel, grand and mighty
he touched her lips and said
"You will live and not die, and declare the works of The Lord...!"
3 years later, she tells her testimony all around the world, of how God saved her from an overdose.
" I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord." Psalm 118:17
Like daggers cutting her skin,
every word curse spoken against her was aching.
Deep within her soul she was breaking.
she just wanted to feel whole--to feel loved.
If she was beautiful, why did her boyfriend leave her?
is she was so special, how come she didn't get into her dream college? and if she was so loved, how come her father abandoned her as a child?
He was so tired of people.
He honestly thought that they would be the death of him.
Ever since He had signed with a D1 school for baseball
people who used to ignore him before were now trying to be best friends with him.
What the heck!?
He was tired of the fake,
tired of the Instagram tags,
tired of the groupies
He just wanted something real,
Besides the song, He really was tired of the "Fake Love".
He didn't even know if his new girlfriend loved him,
or just all the cool parties he could get them in.
He got on his knees and cried to God, "Please show me Real Love." Thou hast commanded us to keep thy precepts diligently. Psalms 119:4
She just wanted to know him,
She was tired of the games, tired of the fake
If this Jesus was really real, he could give her something to live for.
As she stared down the bottle of pills
She wanted to fill her belly with the poison,
But the other part of her wanted to live
To see her sister grow up
To have a family one day
She knew she needed life
But life was just too painful to endure,
She needed help.
She heard this voice from her bathroom floor, Trust me, I got you. I will never leave you or forsake you, Darling. Don’t give up on my love.
She knew that voice was God. She had never heard him before. It gave her an instant hope to get up and live. She was scared, but at least she wasn’t alone. With that, she got up from the floor , and tossed the pills in the trash. She chose life.
she needed to feel something..
i mean anything,
she hated feeling numb.
numb to life, numb to her feelings, numb to her family
ever since her Dad passed away,
she just went through life on auto-pilot
She didn't believe in ending her own life , but the thoughts were coming to her
a sea of depression tried to drown her constantly
and she was just trying to swim back to shore.
her heart was racing
her breath was fleeting
she felt alone
panicking...
*inhale*exhale*inhale*exhale
fear tried to grip her
panic tried to face her
anxiety tried to defeat her
it felt as if it was winning
she felt like she was going to lose it
and never come back
as if an asthma attack wanted to finish her
she felt her heartbeat failing her
until she heard
The Father command to her heart,
BE STILL
AND KNOW...
and at the sound,
the waves that tried to drown her
were then still.
"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10
She checked her phone again, '2:45'
Cheerleading practice ended at 2 o'clock and her ride was no where in sight.
Winter was soon approaching and she didn't even bring her coat,
she shivered... Where is he?
She thought about walking home, but it was getting dark and the neighborhood was pretty rough,
plus she had just moved here and didn't know her way around.
Her phone had just died so she felt...stranded and alone. Physically and in her heart.
Her father was a drug addict, and sometimes he would forget to pick her up.
He loved her dearly, and if you looked at him, you would never know he did drugs,
but the prescription pills were overtaking his life,
swallowing him up--and her--whole.
She just wanted him to get help.
She was so frustrated at God,
she didn't want to be but she couldn't help it.
Sure she had made the varsity cheer team and was doing well in school,
but her mother had ran off with another man
and her father was poppin' pills to deal with the loss.
She felt her life was a mess but she was doing her best to deal with it.
But to be honest, she was tired of 'just dealing with it'.
The weight was so heavy on her
she didn't know what to do.
She felt so alone.
All of her peers where out having fun this spring break--trips to Cabo and parties.
What normal college kids do.
But she was not normal.
Most of the time she was happy that she wasn't normal.
She liked her quirky self--but today, she felt left out.
Here she was stuck in her hometown as she watched her old high school classmates flood into The Dairy Queen, where she worked. She was so embarrassed.
Here she was wearing a hat in the shape of a cow and all her classmates were looking tan and fit, back for a quick visit from their prestigious universities.
she felt lame.
Riley could have gone to any university she wanted--she actually got accepted into her dream university-- The New York Art Institute, but her mom got cancer and she wanted to be there to take care of her.
Her mother was so appreciative of Riley's sacrifice--but she really didn't want Riley to give up on her dream. Riley knew she needed someone to drive her to chemo therapy and just to care for her during this hard journey. It was the sacrifice she was willing to make.
She didn't regret her decision one bit-- she loved serving her mother--but on days like this, she was reminded just how drastic her choice was.
Riley was voted 'Most Likely to Succeed', and here she was sweeping up a Dairy Queen at 20.
The bell over the door rung and in entered her high school (and maybe current crush) David Marsh. He was so beautiful to her. He was a star football player at high school and was super popular, but the best thing about him was that he noticed her. He was at Texas A&M now playing football. A true hometown hero.
Great, Riley thought. Now he is going to see me dressed up like a cow maid.
"what if I just run away nobody cares about me, Mom ignores me and dad ran off and abandoned me. my life is purposeless I feel so empty all my co-workers hate me I can't lose weight and I haven't been on a date in 3 years. I am worthless. who is ever going to love me?"
She came to the edge of the bridge,
her morning run turning into a fest of tears
crying out to God--trying to escape the emptiness
she looked down at the water beneath her,
tears falling on her Nike shoes. I don't want it to end like this but death seems a lot better than life right now
At that moment
a beautiful yellow butterfly landed on her shoulder
but what was so distinct about this little insect was that one of it's wings were clipped off he was broken, just like she was but yet--he was still flying.
still bringing joy and happiness to the world.
even with a clipped wing. she heard a whisper, "Just keep flying...You are my beauty."
with that, she cupped the yellow beauty in her hand and kissed it and lifted her hands to the sky so it would fly away...
fly into freedom,
into new life..
she knew that she'd be flying with him too.
"See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; [you are] ever before me." Isaiah 49:16
Her sister--a sophomore, was so much popular than her.
I mean, all the hottest guys liked her and she was rocking it in all her AP courses.
She felt so embarrassed-- how was her little sister living this Hollywood High School life?
she was tired of being in the background...
tired of being invisible...
tired of not fitting in...
Maybe if I started to take sexy Instagram pictures people would notice me?
Maybe I should be a cheerleader?
Maybe I should dye my hair blonde?
Maybe if I weren't so fat!
Then she heard a still small voice tell her,
Keep being you, My darling, You're so popular in my eyes. Don't change a thing.
She knew that voice--so lovely and comforting. It was her Abba.
"Look across the room my Dear," He continued, "You see that girl getting picked on. Go stick up for her. She needs a friend. I set you apart so you can focus on me and care for the rejected. If you were popular, you would be worried about vain things, and I created you for so much more than that."
With that, she was comforted.
She was about to defend the weak.
She got up from her pity party comforted and stronger than ever.
She didn't' have to change herself--God made her perfect
and she was about to walk in that perfection.
Will you?
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Isaiah 40:29
The yelling wouldn't stop,
all she wanted was a 'normal family'
one where she didn't have to hear glass shattering and cussing at 2 o'clock in the morning--on a school night.
She wished her parents would stop fighting,
but wishing was not working.
Her father was cheating, and her mom was pregnant and tired.
She was so scared
but she had become so numb to the fighting--trying to get lost in her library books.
Her grades were starting to slip, and her teachers were growing concerned.
but she would protect her family at all costs, her little sister needed her.
Her parents were good parents, really,
Jesus had been that friend.
she never really had a real friend before--
acquaintances--sure,
but someone who truly knew her,
the deepest most intimate parts of her--
no- no one, except for Jesus.
she had been so broken hearted after the lost of her brother
she felt so alone,
the family had become so unstable after his death
that she had to move from school to school,
so she didn't see the point in even trying to invest in friendships--she was just going to have to move eventually.
how was she about to go on?
she felt so ugly,
so unworthy..
who was going to listen to her?
who was going to vote for her?
she wasn't popular,
of course Ashley Peterson was going to win the office of class president,
not boring old her.
I mean, she felt invisible all her life,
but yet, she felt God telling her to run for class office,
she thought He was crazy..
as she went to the microphone in front of all her peers,
the ones who made her feel alone and invisible,
she knew that she could fight for all the other kids who felt alone
to show them that she understood them, that God understood them.
so even though she didn't have the long blond hair
or she wasn't a popular football player,
she was going to go out like David to Goliath.
God made her BOLD!!!
What bold thing is God asking YOU to do?
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
I do not want to go back to school,
i don't fit in there.
I tried to talk to mom about home school--they even have free online teachers--she wouldn't even have to teach me! but she's not budging.
no boy likes me, I know I won't have a date to homecoming--i feel so invisible and purposeless.
I'm not even pretty like all the popular girls,
what's the point of trying...
Wednesday| 7:30 pm
There's a Bible club at school,
they were handing out flyers--
people laugh at them and call them lame, but they seem pretty cool.
i think it may be social suicide to be able to do that at lunch
but i think it's cool they don't care.
they all seemed very friendly
Kat, was her name,
she gave me a flyer it said "you are seen and loved"
hmmm, I never heard that before
but it feels good.
i think ima try Bible club
Kat is the only one who even tried to talk to me today.
I think this Bible club idea might not be so bad,
i might actually find friends...
i might actually belong..
__________________________________________________________ YOU ARE SEEN AND LOVED.
"How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!" Pslams 139:17
